On Being Shy (2/2)

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We can help ourselves be rid of shyness. Nobody is perfect, and everybody has good qualities. Is it fair to pay attention to our imperfections and overlook our good qualities? Definitely not! The following suggestions may be helpful in reducing shyness:
1. First, understand that you cannot eliminate shyness overnight. It is a slow process that you must work on gradually.
2. Think about situations when being shy is most painful. Perhaps your biggest problem is making small talk with a stranger at a party. In that case, prepare yourself with some interesting current news to talk about. The weather is a topic often used for starting conversations.
3. Getting the other person to talk about himself/herself is a clever idea. Many people enjoy talking about themselves - or give their opinions. For example, you can say something like, "I notice you like modern jewelry; your rings are very unusual. Did you design them yourself?" This can be the start of a friendship.
4. Whenever you begin making negative comparisons between yourself and others, force yourself to stop doing that immediately. Take your thoughts off yourself. Observe others and think of a compliment with which to start a conversation with someone.
5. If you are shy at work where there are many coworkers, choose the least intimidating person to perhaps have coffee with or make casual small talk with.
6. Know that if an effort to socialize sometimes is unsuccessful, it happens to everyone now and then. Feel proud of yourself for making the effort.
7. If you are required to give a report to a group, tell them that you feel nervous. This feeling is quite natural, and everyone can sympathize. Expressing that to the group will make you feel better.
8. Think about your good qualities and believe that you are as good as anyone else... because you are!
9. Take a course in developing self-confidence or read books on the subject.
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Life is much more enjoyable for people who are not shy.

On Being Shy (1/2)

How many times have you felt angry with yourself because you were too shy to speak up when you really wanted to have a conversation with another person? Are parties times for standing in the corner and watching others chat and dance - afraid to join them? Do you listen to discussions but do not give your opinions because you think you are not smart enough? Do you wish to be friendly but don't know how? All these thoughts lead to unhappy feelings.
This kind of unhappiness comes about not because other people are trying to hurt us. We make this unhappiness for ourselves. Naturally, we really don't want to hurt ourselves, but often we grow up thinking we are not as good as others - we are inferior; everyone is better, smarter, and more interesting. These negative thoughts make us shy. Why do we do this to ourselves? Only a psychologist can discover the reasons. It is interesting to note that very large numbers of people are shy. There is, however, good news. If we want to get rid of shyness, it can be done.
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(to be continued)